7 STEPS TO CHANGING ANGER
Anger can feel like it is an armour against a hostile world. In reality it offers no protection at all, and actually opens the door to what we fear. Anger can be used to gain control of things and get your own way, when your expectations are not met. However ask yourself
" Are your expectations realistic or reasonable?"
It doesnot matter at all what the cause of our anger is, but what we choose to do with it really matters. Understanding your anger allows you to transform it into creativity. People mirror what is going on inside us, and therefore can be our best teachers. If people are getting angry around you, decide not to take it on. It is their gift to you, and you can refuse to accept it.
If you really want to learn from life, ask yourself sincerely,
Why is this anger being sent to me?
The universe is always guiding us to recognise what we need to see about ourselves.
Here are some steps that will help you fulfill this purpose:
1. Deal with frustration
.Frustration is a good sign that a lot of energy is available to you that can be re-directed in a new creative way.Be positive about feeling frustrated. Think of new and effective ways you can reach your goal, and ask someone who has already achieved your aspiration, their advice.
"Commit yourself to change"
2. Respond skilfully
.Take 7 seconds before you act and resist the impulse to express your anger.
" It is in the space that lies the power"
3. Take responsibility
Own your anger. It is your own creation and other's only act as a catalyst. Remember no-one can make you angry and you are never justified in blaming anyone else for it. That only implies you have taken on victim mentality and you have no choice in the matter.
" It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness"-Ghandi
4.Throw out righteousness
Even though you may think you are right what are you gaining by proving it.Communicate with others how you would like to be spoken to. How would you like to be treated?
When a group of monks asked a rabbi for advice on saving the dying order, he responded "I am sorry. The only thing I can tell you is that one of you is the Messiah.
Pondering this, the old monks began to treat each other and themselves with extraordianry respect in the off chance that one among them may be the Messiah and the order was subsequently saved" -M.Scott Peck "Meditations from the Road"
5. Acknowledge your needs
What needs are you meeting by being angry? Will your anger change anything? Is it worth giving up your peace of mind over it?
"Acknowledgement of our needs are an expression of love towards ourselves"
6. Redirect your anger
If you are in a situation that makes you feel angry get up and go outside. Walk around the block affirming in your mind "I will walk until this anger goes way".You will be surprised at how quickly it will disappear. Anger enables you to run faster and further, so use it to improve your health and do some physical sport or exercise.
Indulge in some form of creative expression-painting, singing, dancing, Tai-Chi or even digging a pond will help!
As heat conserved is transmuted into energy, even so our anger controlled can be transmuted into a power that can change the world" MK Gandhi
7. Use your breath
Watch the breath coming in and out and bring peace in with the inhalation and allow it to spread throughout the body, while you smile internally
Alternatively you can hold your breath and count to ten. Breathe out slowly and let go of your frustration.
"Focussing on the breath brings you back into your centre and creates peace of mind."
And if you want to know a bit more about how you can forgive effectively, see previous mpowerment 4 for tips from Colin Tipping's book "Radical Forgiveness", a must read.
STORY OF THE TWO WOLVES
"A Native American grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt.
He said, "I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one. The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one."
The grandson asked him, "Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?"
The grandfather answered, "The one I feed."
What to do when some-one seems to deliberately try to hurt you?
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